ďNot AfraidĒ was the second song that we wrote and recorded for the project, ďNot Afraid.Ē And it had taken almost a year and a half to even get started recording. So there had already been a journey. It wasnít like I got signed, and they threw me in the studio. It had already been a process. And the Lord sort of invited me into this unique season where I felt like He sort of reminded me that I would never have another first record. I would never be in this situation again. And what obedience looked like in that season was my undivided attention to Him and this project. And that meant maybe cutting ties with some things and specifically a relationship. And I just felt like God said, you know what, this is not what I have for you right now. I want all of your attention over here on me and what I have for you. It was an unknown that I was walking into but itís sort of that faith journey that when He directs us over here and itís a little dark we donít know what our next step is going to be, but he says trust me. We donít need to have fear in that because weíre not by ourselves. He is really with us, so that was the heart of that song.
God continues to challenge me to live, surrender to His agenda and not mine. I had a really very clear picture of how I wanted this to look. Even as I was sort of ushered into it very quickly, meeting Toby and getting signed, I hadnít done music in two years and all of a sudden Iím just thrown into it. And it had been a dream of mine for a long time so I was like, well, itís happening, Iíve made it! That was four years ago and I still work at Starbucks, so, itís like man, thatís not what I envisioned, that I would have a college degree and a record deal and I would still be paying my rent by working at Starbucks.
And yet, God just continues to challenge me. What is success, Stephanie? You know? Youíre having heart to heart and staying in touch with some teenage girls all over the country and Heís put me in a mentoring position and Heís given me a small platform where I get to go and Iím doing it. Iím not necessarily rolling in the big bucks and supporting myself off of it yet, but does that mean Iím not successful? And so just in this journey He continues to remind me that His promises are good and, Heís either who He says He is or Heís not. And so, youíre going to provide and continue to take care of me or Iíve built my faith on something horrible. And I donít think itís that. So, His agenda, not mine. It just keeps constantly rises up and I have to, you know, re-center my heart and my vision and hopefully, you know, weíll make some ground and maybe it wonít be as hard and maybe Iíll quit Starbucks someday. Who knows! But for now, you know, success is connecting with one little girl or one mom whoís never forgiven her own father.