Hi my name is Havilah and this is my world
I grew up in a small town in Alaska
And was always the good kid in the family. I learned how to play Christian really well and how to do all the right things. I learned how to make my pastors happy and dress right and smile at everybody all the time.
Growing up my sister and I were really close and we did a lot together. We spent a lot of time together just goofing off. We shared a room together which I loved because we got all that time to talk and laugh at nighttime.She was my best friend, she was someone that I would run and talk to if I had a problem or somebody that was there to give me advice
Two years ago I, I got a phone call from my mom saying that my sister was missing. A year after that we found out that she was killed. My world around me just crashed. Just crashed.
I remember the day that we got called into the detectiveís office and told that she was shot and It was hard. My parents tried to come and comfort me and I didnít want them around. I told them to back off I told them not to be there. I told them that I could not handle it. I just could not handle her not being there
So I started drinking and doing the things of the world. I figured, you know what, the church isnít working for me. So I will try doing something else. And the whole time that I was doing it I never felt that peace. So I knew that that, that it was not the answer and that God was but
in the past I didnít, I didnít get any, I didnít get what I wanted for that either.
Because the rules were not working
About six months of just drinking and working and doing that stuff. My mom decided to send me to south Africa, to live with some of my, some of our friends. Even though they were pastors I knew that he would love me for where I was at and he would not judge me. So I came and started talking with him and doing some counseling. Over time it just broke down the walls and it brought the freedom to me.
I can look back and think about my sister and it is not all pain.
I can I have great memories and I am glad that I have those memories.
I realize that God loves me no matter what I do and that it is not about looking right
or saying the right things or doing the right stuff all the time. That it is just about his love and
learning that no matter what happens he loves me