Purity begins in our minds and our hearts. We are inundated with sexually explicit images each day from magazines, movies and television programs. Is it any wonder guys tend to have a sexual thought every few minutes, or women are more aggressive than ever before? Sexual indiscretions such as adulterous affairs and pornography have been around since the beginning of time. The difference today: it is widespread and an acceptable part of our “freedom of expression.”
The truth is “physical attraction” is at the top of most of our lists when looking for a mate. We begin dating and confuse lust for love because it feels good... “I feel sooo close to you when we kiss, this must be love!” NO! That is lust. The difference? One lasts for a lifetime. It is patient and sustained through good and bad times, constantly growing, nurturing to one another and blameless. The other lasts only for a moment, is usually demanding, short lived and often carries consequences of guilt and shame for a lifetime.
We need to make a change in our hearts and in our minds. We must change course in order to avoid disaster. It is not easy. Many have fallen prey to temptations but many have overcome and been forgiven. Make no mistake, it is a daily battle. But is one that can be won if you are in constant pursuit of purity.
Many don’t really understand why God calls for us to be pure in a dating relationship, but it is actually quite simple. It is a matter of the heart. When you put sex into a dating relationship, it quickly becomes the driving force of the couple and begins to overshadow any efforts to “get to know each other at a deeper level.” You stop asking the tough questions because you don’t want to ruin a good thing (sex).
God calls us to be pure so that our actions we pursue with each other are an effort to give and minister to one another, not to get something.
When a male does a great deed for his girlfriend, I’ve heard many females say, “He just wants to have sex.” When a man does something for his girlfriend, she should feel he wants nothing in return and that the action came from his heart. The male should love the act of giving instead of thinking, “I’m working towards a great night on the couch.”
You want to find out how someone really feels about you in a dating relationship when you are having sex? Tell them you think you should stop having a physical relationship and concentrate on obtaining spiritual oneness by getting to know each other. If there is any hesitation on their part, then sex is driving your relationship and it will lead to nowhere.
Joshua Harris, author of I Kissed Dating Goodbye, lists 3 ways to fight for purity in our lives:
1. Respect the deep significance of physical intimacy – Sex is much more than a bodily function. God designed sex to be a physical expression in marriage … when a husband and wife may enjoy each other’s body because they belong to one another. If you are not married, you have no claim to another person’s body. Respect the institution of marriage.
2. Set your standard high – Killing sin in the infantile stage is the only way to avoid its destruction. Pursue purity in your mind and in your heart first so things don’t get out of hand.” Draw a line in the sand between you and temptation. Remember: There are no gray areas … you’re either pure or you’re not!
3. Make the purity of others a priority – Guys, stand up to defend the honor and righteousness of our sisters. Girls, be aware how easily your actions and glances can stir up lust in a guy’s mind. We are on the same team!
When you are a Christian, you know Christ lives in you through the fruit of your actions. Jesus not only talked about why He was the Son of God, He also demonstrated in action that He was the Son of God. Start demonstrating that you are a child of God by living the pure life God calls you to live as a single adult. Your relationship will be blessed beyond your wildest dreams.
Tom Morrison is the director of Jax Metro Live, a singles outreach organization in Jacksonville, Florida.
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