Hey I’m Reward and this is My World.
I was born into a very devout and religious family. All about perfection in Christianity, and as a result, my upbringing was very strict and rigid. The church I was raised in was so incredibly strict, they even had a set of rules like no watching t.v. and stuff like that. The entire city considered it a cult.
I was forbidden to mingle with worldly children, which was very hard since I went to a public school. As a result I grew up very secluded and lonely. Coming from a family of 13 kids, my parents worked all the time to support us. I was left alone most of the time searching for a way to fill the loneliness that I felt. I blamed this emptiness and loneliness on my church, and as a result, grew up with a deep rooted resentment for all things religious. This resentment festered into a hatred and rebellion for all forms of authority. I started to hang out with the worst groups at school, just to spite my upbringing. It was from my school friends that I got introduced to pornography.
It was a way to spite the forms of Godly authority that surrounded me. Unfortunately, the more I got into it, the emptier and guiltier I felt. But I didn’t stop and I got into more and more perversions. I started getting into all sorts of violence, starting with the most violent video games, the bloodiest movies, and finally watching live executions, just to find that initial thrill I got when I first started. While trying to appear like a good Christian on the outside, my life was becoming darker on the inside, and there appeared to be no escape from it.
A friend of mine who I hadn’t seen in a long time came into my life, and I noticed something different about her, something changed. And when I asked her about it, she told me about the Bible school she went to. After seeing this change in her, I wanted it in my own life. Bible school appeared to be an escape from double life I was leading. Maybe God could set me free.
When I arrived at school, I went through what was called Deliverance Week. It was a week focused on nightly teachings about freedom from addictions and serving God. I felt God really moving in my heart. During the prayer session, the gentleman praying for me asked me what it was I wanted deliverance from. And for the first time, as I confided in him, a sense of freeing started from my chest and grew all over me. I felt like I was being cleansed. When I finished confessing, I said a simple prayer, and almost as if something snapped, instantaneously I was free. I felt a joy like never before. Not only did I not have the desire for anything perverse, but I also felt the sting of all the years of bitterness, loneliness, and rejection broken off of me.
I’m so grateful to God. Not only can I worship Him with clean hands, a pure heart, and an untainted conscience, but I also found a Father I could be real with. Real with my struggles and my aspirations. And now my passion is to lead young people to that same freedom and confidence in worshipping a God who accepts people who come just the way they are. I’m grateful to God who broke my mask, my shackles and led me into a world of freedom and love.
|
